Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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