I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
