Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
