Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
