the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize