My first STD was from a foam party
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
