You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
