worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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