You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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