Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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