the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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