If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
