i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
