my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
