he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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