halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
