Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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