they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
