Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
