i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
