every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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