No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My feet surprised me
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