He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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