I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Randomize
