They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
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