Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just had sex bonerless
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
