I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
