why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
