Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
