Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
two words: eviction party
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize