I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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