My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hippo gnu deer
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
