If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
