things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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