I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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