Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
