he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
