Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm too high and old for this...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
