Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
