did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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