Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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