Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
