We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize