Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
