sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
pop tarts are not kleenex
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize