New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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