How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
