you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
