What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
