first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
