I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
