bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
