I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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