When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
im holly from the hills drunk
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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