the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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