It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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