I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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