Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
