Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize