Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
