College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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