Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
