it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize