Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
