Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
