Grow some girl-balls and come out already
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
