I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
