bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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