i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
