How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize