I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
