literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
