Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
