I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
