The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
