Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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