she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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