I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
