I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
bring money and cleavage
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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