this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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