Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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