My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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