Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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