i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
