If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
