I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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