don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
