I need help removing her.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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