I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
