come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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