Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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