Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
