hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
