i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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