so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
