He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
