like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
