My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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