She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
