i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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