The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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