It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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