i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
