You're my little dorito
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
